To Prevent A Divorce And Save Your Relationship Merely Takes A Willingness To Do So

January 15th, 2019 by admin

If your relationship is going through a rough patch and it is one of numerous rough spots you may be worried that you are heading for divorce.

Often divorce can’t be avoided, it will depend on the couple and the circumstance, but there are many times that you can pursue healing your relationship prior to it reaches the point for divorce.

One error many people make is that they start making promises.

Even if you believe you are genuine and that you can make some attitude and behavior changes, but do not commit, declarations like these will not save your relationship.

You do need to go over the issues with your partner though since you can’t simply alter who you are to make them more than satisfied, and you need to be pleased and more than satisfied, too.

Often there are issues that both of you require to work with to improve the relationship.

The Idea is to Repair the Relationship Issues

Telling your partner that you love or admire him/her continuously is not a great idea either, because even if it is true and you do like him, stating it constantly won’t repair any issues.

Telling him that you like him can be seen as a bit of emotional blackmail – when all else fails to say ‘I love you’ – it doesn’t rather work like that.

Rather, it’s the holiness within each of you that must be and connect seen as whole that is the miracle remedy for a failing marital relationship.

The Course in Miracles states, “The holy relationship is a phenomenal teaching accomplishment. In all its aspects, as it begins, develops and becomes accomplished, it represents the reversal of the unholy relationship.”

When a relationship is in difficulty it can be difficult and you may find yourself a psychological wreck and seem to think that to prevent divorce is impossible.

Due to the fact that it will just drain him more emotionally, this is another factor why you shouldn’t keep telling him that you love him.

Telling him that he is sexy or that you love him is something you must save for when you have your relationship back on track.

Another big mistake when a relationship is in difficulty is to constantly argue, and all it does is add more stress to the relationship, and no one wins these arguments.

No one Wins Over Arguments

In a previous discussion I went deeper into the best marriage advice online and does couples therapy really work?

– Do not start any arguments with your partner and if he begins one then leave.

– If he would like to go over matters, when he has actually soothed down then ask him.

– Do not approach the marital relationship like a competitor.

You are not wanting to prove who is best at relationships and who is to blame for it stopping working, but do approach it like a partnership that you both need to help each other with.

Sit down with your husband/wife and calmly talk about any problems you have, if your marriage is heading for divorce perhaps discuss how to avoid divorce.

Don’t argue with him however ask him exactly what he is feeling and how he thinks you can prevent and enhance the marital relationship divorce.

To save your relationship take his answers into factor to consider along with your own sensations and attempt to work some compromise that will make you both feel better.

If you handle the problem in a calm and fully grown method, you can between the two of you, and perhaps with marriage counseling, find how to avoid a divorce.

Even if you believe you are sincere, but he/she is not, and that you can make positive changes, statements of demanding or pleading will only hurt chances for how to fix a failing relationship.

– Can you stop a divorce after filing?

It Takes a Readiness to do the Work

You may, but typically there are issues that both parties need to work with to rather than dealing with a breakup to enhance the relationship.

Telling him that you enjoy him or that you will do anything for him/her, is something you need to save for when communication and holiness within is found and connected, and you have your relationship back on track.

When a relationship is in trouble and continuously arguing is happening, the biggest error that needs forgiveness is.

Do not approach the marital relationship like a competitor to find who is best at relationships and who is to blame, because the ego is in charge then, and you’ll see you both ending the relationship.

It may be time for leaving the relationship where healing after a breakup is your next phase if you simply can not reconnect and heal within your hearts.

(I also suggest searching the web for further content that dives into the idea of getting back with your ex, if that may be in the cards, and sure ways to rekindle a relationship.)

To success in life and love!

Seeing Signs To Leave A Relationship? Not Sure If You Should Leave Or Stay?

January 8th, 2019 by admin

Leaving or staying in a relationship that is a troubled relationship can be a tough decision. We’ve all checked out some dating and relationship suggestions or break up advice one way or another, before taking action.

There are many kinds of relationships we’ve experienced from kinship relations, neighborhood accessory, association, formalized union, non-formal intimacies, casual relationships, platonic ones, brotherhoods, relationships, or true love.

All kinds of relationships between two or more people are formed through some form of attentive and active steps in a relationship.

Discovering the steps in (stay, or leave) a relationship

First it’s a good idea to think about how healthy relationships are formed, developed, and maintained in a life-long dedication phase.

More significantly, expert-recommended actions in a relationship guide the best course of those people involved in a relationship, which especially applies virtually to a bad relationship.

I mean to those in need of mending or little appreciation, even those relationships that remain in a good-height, but likewise in an ‘I-hope-this-never-ends,’ sort of yearning.

In the beginning phases, one is never concerned over thoughts of, when to leave a relationship, a lot into the care and mutuality he or she experiences that he is keen on thinking that he should be taking the best actions in a relationship.

Until, the relationship either shatters into signs to leave a relationship with depressing pressures, or blossoms into a fantastic healthy relationship and love connection.

Frequently though unfortunately, an individual’s very first impulse once his relationship enters into a critical shift stage, is to begin thinking about leaving a relationship.

No one wants to believe that he or she’s stuck in a rut, that the battling’s that make the signs to leave a relationship are pretty darn regular, and nothing is getting better.

Or that she/he’s simply a victim to the circulation.

The matter, all relationships do undergo normal stages, yet, those individuals associated with it likewise have their power of choice and ability as to stay or leave, and which actions to take.

We all have a hand to stay or leave, and there are indeed shown successful methods to keep a troubled relationship and work on healing it.

It is up to you if you want to go through measures to heal the relationship– a kind of starting over, and appreciate someone’s presence in your life.

I mean a change in attitude for healing the relationship, like little things as, take rejection politely, understand conversational cues, talk tact yet simple, pull a lady’s chair, and show interest.

Perhaps, be affectionate, remain open, smile, be mild, forgive, forget the past, offer possibilities, state I’m sorry, reveal I Love You, make a promise, keep it, and show continued respect.

It’s up to you, and as I said, we all have an option to either begin and stay healing, or make up your mind on leaving a relationship, decide, and then, merely do it.

The matter, all relationships do undergo through normal stages, yet, those people involved in it likewise have a choice and capability as to which actions in a relationship to take.

Best Ways for Saving a Relationship or Move on in Life

Are you looking at leaving a relationship and need break up advice?

Now that may extremely well be true, but however terribly you’re feeling right now on your relationship issues, this sensation will pass!

What you do now with signs to leave a relationship depends on the best relationship advice you’re searching for.

You will go one down one path if you’re already thinking about when to leave a relationship and have no interest in trying to save a relationship.

If on the other hand you’re looking for a way to save your marriage or love relationship, then you will need an entire different set of troubled relationship tips to make this take place.

Relationship breakup advice for those who ‘d rather stay than leaving a relationship is based upon how you handle yourself in the run-up to the separation and immediately after the break up.

If you are at the point in your relationship where your partner has just revealed they want to end the relationship, then my suggestions to you is to agree to the separation.

Your greatest mistake would be to attempt and persuade your ex to stay in a bad relationship and not to choose leaving a relationship.

Agree to the separation, let your ex go and admit things were bad, and you wished they were otherwise more positive.

Your plan now is to get yourself together.

Yes, you’re ravaged that the one you love could actually decide on leaving a relationship, but you have to find a way to handle that devastation.

I mean you must handle it in a manner that will help you to revive your relationship in the future.

It’s crucial to invest some time pertaining to a few key terms with what has happened in the relationship.

– You need to do this on your own, without your ex.

Make no attempt to contact your ex, rather find your family and close friends and let them help you through this upsetting time.

– What you can also do is to make peace with yourself.

As humans and being ego-based– meaning that aspect of fear and self-doubt, we all make errors and depending on the level of your error, it is forgivable!

The Course in Miracles teaches us to, “Forgive our errors by overlooking them–meaning looking beyond them to the Light of our true Reality.”

So, lastly for today, don’t invest the next couple of weeks beating yourself up.

(I like to always suggest don’t be shy to the many helpful hints, tips, and related recommendations on the web that has benefited many people with relationship troubles.)

To a happy life of love!

5 Things Every Woman Should Know BEFORE She Gets Divorced

January 2nd, 2019 by admin

Perhaps you’ve been secretly fantasizing about divorce. Maybe you’re in an abusive relationship and spend most of your day trying to figure out how to get out of your marriage. Before initiating anything, there are some important realities you need to know.

“That’s not me,” you’re saying. “Even though things aren’t perfect, we would never split.” That’s what a lot of women think. Then they’re blindsided. What if your partner initiates a divorce that you never saw coming. Maybe you should read this even if you don’t think it pertains to you, just in case.

1. Know where the money is.

Divorce gets ugly. Fast. That man who absolutely worships you today may try to hide assets from you tomorrow. Make sure you know where all the money is, and where all the debt is. If an asset (or a liability) was acquired during the marriage, then it is marital. That is, it belongs to both of you. If you bought something before the marriage, then your spouse has no claim to it, and vice versa. That goes for debt that was acquired before the marriage also.

2. Keep a journal.

Should you be faced with a split one day, you’ll be happy you have a record of what happened when (and so will your lawyer). It’s a simple enough thing to do: just keep a notebook in your bag or next to your bed, and get into the habit of recapping the day’s events. Something that seems unimportant now may turn out to be just the piece of evidence you need to prove your case.

3. Have a 3-month emergency fund.

Maybe you have a friend or family member who would be willing and able to keep you afloat for three months. But if you don’t, then you should squirrel away enough money to last you (and your children) at least three months. I know, I know, I just finished talking about how he may hide assets from you, and now I’m telling you to do the same thing. But this is a safeguard to protect you and your children in the short term; it is not intended to keep what’s rightfully his away from him. See the difference? And why three months? Because that’s about how long it will take for a court to issue and enforce a temporary child support order.

4. Research divorce lawyers now.

Know who the best matrimonial attorney in your area and price range is. Be ready to retain him or her as soon as it becomes necessary. (That means having a minimum of $5000 cash on hand.) If you wait until you’re in the middle of it to start googling and asking friends, your husband may have snagged THE guy or gal, and you’re left with inferior representation. Also, it takes time to do the proper level of research, and that’s exactly what you won’t have. I’ve known people who have had an initial introductory session (many times at no charge) with a top attorney JUST IN CASE they ever found themselves in a divorce situation. That way the attorney is precluded from taking the other side’s case because that initial session had already taken place. Yes, that seems pretty pessimistic, and I’m not saying that it’s for everyone, but I am just saying.

5. Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint.

It can (and usually does) take a lot longer than you’d think. Mine took six years! Don’t think you’ll be in and out and onto the next thing so fast. Be ready for a long haul. You’ll need to be in peak shape (physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, financially, spiritually) to go the distance. Things will be coming at you at lightning speed. You’ll have to make decisions that will affect you and your children’s lives forever. You’ll have to be there for your children in ways you never imagined. So if you think divorce is on your horizon, start preparing yourself now. The best way to get help doing this is with a qualified divorce coach. The right coach can help you gain clarity around what the best possible outcome would be for you and your entire family, and help you devise an action plan to get you there. And he or she can do this while also monitoring your physical, mental, psychological, emotional and spiritual well-being. It’s the first (and smartest) investment you should make when embarking on divorce.

Congratulations! You are now better-educated and better-prepared for what lies ahead than most women getting a divorce. These five items can make the difference between barely surviving your divorce and totally thriving during and long after the papers are signed.

The Roller Coaster of Emotional Abuse

December 27th, 2018 by admin

August 2014, probably one of the longest months of my life. The days felt like decades and almost seems like another lifetime ago, it was definitely another life ago. It was a month of enduring a nonstop decrepit emotional roller coaster ride. Like an old wooden coaster, it was a jerky ride that without warning slammed to a halt in the middle of a decent or loop. It was one that jarred your neck and body leaving you with residual aches, headaches, and pain. The intensity left you feeling petrified as you waited upside down in suspense, praying you didn’t fall out of the cart. As the cart slammed on the brakes, your body plunges forward, only to be slammed back into the hard, plastic seat, a myriad of thoughts and emotions flash through your mind. Every emotion, nuance, image, memory, thought lingered an eternity, yet, in reality, the journey through the mind is only a split millisecond. This is how I describe the unconscious awareness that divorce was inevitable, and this was a ride that I would continue to pass by the exit over and over again until I consciously found the strength and clarity and take hold of the brake next to me. How did I not realize I was in control all along?

Yet, the roller coaster accelerated for me, I pushed the gas and lamented that I was an unwitting and unwilling passenger. After all, I boarded this now failing amusement ride 25 years ago. At that time it was bright and shiny and I was in love with the ride. It was filled with thrills and appeared to constantly be headed in a new direction, however like a roller coaster it just goes in a big circle. My life with my ex-husband was that way, it was intoxicating, reaching the highest highs and then the lowest of the lows(the lows were subterranean).

That month my ex slept away from our home many nights, after provoking a fight. He would show in the morning, claiming exhaustion from sleeping in his car or at one of his guy friends. Even I didn’t believe that. He would blame me for not listening, not understanding, not being in tune with his feelings. I wish I would have looked more closely at the passenger next to me – not being in tune with his feelings(!?) – and see the passenger next to me was another woman. However, I refused to acknowledge my peripheral vision, this was the only ride I had ever set foot on in the park. Instead, I steadily focused my attention forward, certain I was making progress, refusing to see all the passengers, especially, the one next to me, boarding and de-boarding.

Whether you realize it or not, you get to know the passengers, their habits, their smells and their intentions. They all play their part. What’s the expression, people come into your life for a reason? Well, it’s true, even the ones who turn your stomach are there to teach us. Everyone who boards your cart leaves trash or baggage and valuable life lessons. There was one nauseating fellow who navigated in and out of my cart. Everyone loved this seemingly harmless guy… a big teddy bear with the dutiful understanding wife who busily swept the steps of the cart. To continue with the metaphor, he sat next to me and my partner offered to protect me from the perils of the ride. I didn’t know whether to be more terrified by the slow turn of decent or the passenger creeping closer, and his hand on my knee. In a blink, at one restaurant dinner, a “friend” made an overt pass. I was paralyzed as his wife conversed inane stories. Suddenly, the ride took a turn and normalized, in an instant, I was transported into my twisted new normal reality. My known passenger of 25 years returned from his urgent 9 pm phone call (no he’s not a doctor) distracted and anxious to pay the bill. Shaken by my experience I sought safety and refuge and shared my stranger danger story on our ride home. Guess what? He didn’t care. He didn’t care that his close friend was really a shadowy fair ground miscreant, didn’t care at all because he was already off the ride and disappearing into the shadows himself. He was riding the brand new model, while I clung to the faded wooden and rickety tracks that provided warped comfort.

There were many other mini stops and starts that left my head and heart hurting, but the jarring fact that my for better or worse partner had parachuted off the ride and left me in the hands, literally, of a sewer rat filled me with an inconsolable ache as the track in front of me disintegrated. The fact that was I shrank and could have cared less who was seated next to me. Finally, as we derailed it propelled me to at least recognize that the controls were literally in my hands. As instantly as I understood the ride was falling apart piece by piece, I also understood that I had the power to get off the ride at any time. It was liberating to see who was boarding. At times, tunnel vision returned, fear consumed me and I prayed for someone to save me or for the ride to repair and for the same sick, but comfortable loop to re-establish. The strange part about my tunnel vision was that not even at the points of loathsome fear was I looking for my ex to sit next to me. I was frantically scanning, searching for the exit. Although, I purchased my ticket years ago, and I still screamed with faux delight, true fear and red-hot anger burned inside me as we looped our way up and down, yet my voice still lacked strength, commitment and an unwillingness to change direction. August continued to plod on. Sometimes, I watched the ride in slow motion. Yet, the experience of the degenerate fair groupies lingered and faintly illuminated my path. Slowly I turned my head and looked around, it was shocking to see this former masterpiece that once represented such promise was rotten and fractured beyond repair. As I looked closer the fair rats scurried in and out of the shadows.

Methodically, I grabbed the brake and began to apply pressure. I knew I couldn’t handle another abrupt, uncontrolled stop, however, I finally realized I could control the speed at which I would make my inevitable departure. I called the one person who refused to ride the rides, the one person who patrolled the park, the person who the rats feared, my father. Patiently and without interference he waited for my ah ha moment. He witnessed, with sadness, but without interference, the decline of the wooden roller coaster. He cringed and watched as it(as I) fell deeper and deeper into despair and when finally at the end of August I said, “I’m scared, but I’m ready, show me the way”, he held my hand as I pulled the brake and stepped off the ride.

What a strange feeling to be on solid ground. Unwaveringly, he continued to hold my hand, saying phrases of empowerment, “you can eat an elephant, but you have to do it one bite at a time,” “know your enemy”, keep a cool head”, and “be strategically and tactically prepared.” He didn’t save me, he empowered me. With shaky legs, I firmly stepped and changed my course, leaving behind the depraved world in which I had become enamored. At the risk of another fair metaphor, it was like the House of Mirrors, the truth was hidden in illusion. My path was lit and with shaky determination the world in which families no longer boarded together, single passenger lines divided couples, the constant of the ever-changing passenger and drifters insidiously building and rebuilding our roller coaster was being left behind. It was being discarded.

As I linger in August of 2017, I realize that August 2014 was a month of not sudden abrasive stops, but a month of spontaneous beginnings. The universe kept sending me stronger and stronger messages until I was no longer able to restart the ride. My journey across the garbage-filled park, navigating the paper stained map, has been arduous. Sometimes I wandered aimlessly or marched confidently in the direction of a new thrill ride, but ultimately a quiet determination took hold and one foot in front of the other, I found the exit. Finally, after three years, August to August, I am exiting the fairgrounds. I empty my pockets of the crumpled tickets, broken promises, and stale popcorn. The worn out and tired fair groupies are not worth a mention. So, without further belaboring the first day of a different life, farewell Tucson, farewell old life, farewell, and good riddance!